Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My vagina is very pro this idea
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
