I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
