I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
