Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
