Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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