He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need to calm my uterus...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
