go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
