When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
