I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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