i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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