So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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