Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it wasn't lemon gatorade
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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