if i died would you start the facebook group?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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