Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
