Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
