Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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