everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
