i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
