Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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