sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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