I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
