My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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