Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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