By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
