Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
