my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
