So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
