No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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