Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
