I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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