Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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