I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
