So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
