Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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