The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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