first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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