Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
