Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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