dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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