she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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