did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She needs sedatives and a leash
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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