There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
