so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
are you so shy because you have an std?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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