Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
