I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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