I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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