at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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