Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
only you would photoshop your dick
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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