dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
worst night to have a conscience
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
