i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
