I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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